{crimson and clover}

Title: Gee, Officer Krupke
Author: omarandjohnny
Fandom/Pairing: As the World Turns, One Life to Live crossover pairing Oliver Fish/Luke Snyder
Rating: R
Word Count: 432
Summary: AU, Officer Fish has to deal with a rather unruly drunk. Dedicated to dee_groovy, for spoiling me rotten with all of those lovely Nuke stories of hers ;)
Disclaimer: I claim nothing.
Highlight for Warnings: * none *
Beta: dee_groovy





"Sir, I need you to get off the road!"

Oliver knew by the ridiculous swaying, that the kid was drunk. Very much so. Though, one would have to be drunk to attempt a box step on the lip of Llanview's only off-ramp...on a Friday night.

"Sir, off the road NOW!" To drive the point home, Fish sounded a few seconds of the car's emergency siren. The blond boy jumped at the first wooooo-oooot, and quickly scurried up to the shoulder to meet the squad car.

"Gurd evenin', Offfffficer. Whadcan I do to, heh, for you?"

Fish surveyed the kid, guessing he was no more than 18-19, and snapped his fingers in the boy's eyeline, "What's your name, Sir?"

The kid giggled," I'm likin' thissss Sir thing, how 'bout we stick with that?"

"Name. Now."

The boy grinned, replying low,"Luke Snyder."

Oliver nodded, placing a tentative hand on the boy's shoulder. "Luke, how much have you had to drink tonight?"

"A gallon of apple juice, laced with sunshine and unicorns." Luke chortled, throwing off Fish's hand before continuing,"Am I free to go, Officer Krupke?"

"Officer Fish, actually," Oliver corrected,"And no, you're intoxicated, and I presume underage. I'm going to have to ask you to come with me."

"Officer Fissssssssssh? SERIOUSLY?!" Luke howled, leaning back to rest on the hood of the squad car. "Heeeere, Fishy, Fishy!" He sidled up to Oliver, closing the distance between them, and boldly grabbed the Officer's crotch.

"What are you doing!" Before Fish could pry the young man's hand away, Luke deftly unzipped Oliver's fly, exposing his rather telltale erection.

"And what have we got here, Fissssssshy?" Luke dropped to his knees, wobbling slightly before grabbing Oliver's shaft, swallowing him whole with startling precision.

Oliver's knees screamed to the buckling point as the young man sucked away, the vacuum of his mouth seeming to grab hold of more than his outsides. "I...Sir...Luke..." He could feel Snyder smiling at the Sir, and it sent a jolt to his middle. Just as Fish could feel the end approaching, he suddenly heard singing in the background...


WE'RE NO GOOD, WE'RE NO GOOD!
WE'RE NO EARTHLY GOOD!
LIKE THE BEST OF US IS NO DAMN GOOD!


Oliver audibly gasped, realizing he'd fallen asleep in the squad car. Again. Saved by the ringtone.

"Yes, Sir, I'm still at the stakeout. Nothing to report," he answered, hearing McBain give a noncommital hum before hanging up. Oliver rubbed the doze from his eyes, and then paused, looking down at his tented uniform pants.

Fish sighed, and went back to work.

---

End.